So, I'm not answering ones that look like ones I've answered before, and I'm not answering smart-alec questions or ones that are straight-out stupid or could make lots of people mad :)
No we're not :)
Since the questions aren't numbered, I put the questions in italics and the answers in, well, not italics.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
The carvings on the rockwalls.
How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
I suppose, when it gets moldy or starts to taste salty or something like that.
How young can you die of old age?
Today it is 75 years old, I think.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
On vacation.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
It's not that WORK is so terrific. YOU are so AWESOME people need to PAY YOU to DO THINGS.
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
Because the number 1 pencil is his father. Like Pencil and Pencil Jr. You never stop being Junior, do you? Even in "Under the Dome" Junior was...18 at least? You never stop being junior if you're Dad is still alive, I guess?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
Nope. I'd be full. But I always have room for desert.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I am so sorry that when you tried failing you succeeded! Oh, my, that must HURT BADLY! (you can almost taste that sarcasm).
If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
I just pictured that and I can't un-picture it.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Suppose there weren't. Oh, that's hypothetical though.
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
We'd be attacking each other because some rhetorical questions are "Are you crazy?" But you'll say "No" or "Yes" (if you're weird) and then I'll be like "I KNEW IT! GAH!" *smacks your cheek*.
Will your answer to this question be no?
No, it will be yes.
Is there another word for synonym?
Cinnamon.
If you choke a Smurf, what color will it turn?
I would like to say rainbow. Because they are happy little things and positive and stuff.
If vampires have no reflection, how come they have such neat hair?
They have a special mirror they made out of some secret ingredient that they use secretly.
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
Never mind kitty litter, I WOULD HUNT YOU DOWN AND SUE YOU AND THROW YOU IN JAIL IF YOU DID THAT.... I couldn't help myself. I'm a cat lover. Even though I know this is a joke, I just couldn't.
How do Keep Off The Grass signs get there?
Teleportation.
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
They do. They just wear "NoShrink" spray when they know it'll rain so people won't freak out. It's important people don't know this. Sheep would rather stay out of tabloids. It's a sheep thing.
If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
It's not THAT long. Just moderate.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
There is. Just the industry doesn't want the very adventurous humans who try and eat cat food to eat mouse-flavored and then find out what mouse tastes like and sue the company because it is INSANE!
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Werewolves. They test it when they are in their human form because then they have dog tastebuds and human tastebuds together on the same tongue and can give really good advice. Especially for dogs and humans who like to try dog food.
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
I never thought of that :0 Why are they?
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
"Off" is a contranym, meaning that it has two opposite meanings. Turning off the light, and the alarm going off (meaning on). This is real, okay? Look up contranym. It exists.
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
I don't. If you do, it'll end in heartbreak, for sure (being bitter because I think it's fake).
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
The knife invented to slice the bread.
If a drug store is open 24 hours, why are there locks on the doors?
Same goes for a 7-11. I worked at one and wondered the EXACT same thing. Da heck...
If 7-11 is open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
And they ask the question again.
If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
I think cud will come out. Ewwwwwww :0
Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if i squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
That's not what they thought. They saw a baby calf drink milk and because the calf drinking the milk made it look soooooooo good, they decided to try a bit and found it was very tasty. Almost true story. I read it somewhere, I think.
What is the speed of darkness?
Inch by inch. Until finally it consumes you and eats your sanity.
Why exactly is there a snow-globe with summer scenes?
It was just too much of a pain for the company to rename it "sun-globe" when "snow-globe" had already caught on.
Why is minimalism such a big word?
In fact, it used to be MUCH longer. Minimanimaminiminiminilasimasimanimila. Minimalism was the SHORTEST the English Dictionary Committee would allow the word to be.
If buttered bread always lands on the butter-side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered bread to a cat's back?
THIS IS A REAL EXAMPLE used to illustrate paradox. Buttered Cat Paradox@Wikipedia.
If you learn from mistakes, why aren't I a genius?
Because you forgot that your mistakes were stupid :P
Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom?
Because that part is not important to the story. Sadly. In Harry Potter movies, I rarely remember them eating. DO YOU NOT LIVE LIKE HUMAN???? :0 Just kidding :P
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
Someone. Not me, I swear :0
Why do banks leave both doors open, yet they chain pens to the countertops?
Because people steal pens. It's ALWAYS good to have a pen about you. And bank pens! Those shiny bank pens! :0 Gotta have 'em, right? :P But don't steal, peeps. Ain't write (get it?).
Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
GOOD QUESTION! Anyone care to answer?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
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| I should start saying this.... We should all start saying this. It's so good :) |
How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?
"Fat Chance" is the sarcastic version of "Slim Chance", in my understanding.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
He rides his trusty Yeti, of course.
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| Apparently this is from a game, or something and the little guy on top, his name is Nunu??? and he is a Yeti rider. |
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
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| Reusing pics cuz I iz lazy as a cat. |
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo?
It used to be the other way around until a bunch of fools mixed it up and everyone at the time, thought it was funny or cool. Then all those people died and forgot to change it back. That's why we still have them mixed up.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
WHAT?
Okay, so I didn't intend for all that CAT-NESS (not Katniss) to happen. It just happened.
Here's something I came across.
It makes sense.
If you think it's a problem, you worry, get anxious and flustered, and then, it has become a problem. We should all just, follow the life philosophies of Captain Jack Sparrow...except the extreme obsession with rum.
See ya later, alligators! :D
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