Asexuality: What it is and How I found out that I was Ace

January 22, 2017
I am not ashamed in anyway or uncomfortable in anyway to tell you all, on the internet, for goodness gracious, that I am Ace. And this is my story. I am sharing this here for two reasons:

1. Cuz lots of Ace people feel isolated or frustrated and I wanna tell them they are not alone.

2. Cuz one day my Mom might read this.

So, without further ado, here we go...

Ace = Asexual

It means I don't feel sexual attractions toward others like I don't see a guy as hot (sexy) but I can tell why he would be because I follow pop culture.

It does not mean I practice celibacy. That's a choice. Mine, I have no choice. I was born with this.

I KNOW you will say, "You haven't found the right guy yet."

Or, "You haven't experienced sex yet."

Or, "You haven't dated anyone, how the heck would you know?"

But I do know.

PAGE BREAK!! Continue reading by clicking the article :D


Let me ask you then:

How do you know you don't like the same sex? You just know, right?

How do you know you DO like the same sex? You just know, right?

Same with me. I just KNOW I don't feel it and never will.

People who are straight don't CHOOSE to be straight. People who are gay don't CHOOSE to be gay. It's the same deal. People who are Ace don't CHOOSE to be Ace. It is who they are.


Just to give you more info, especially if I'm not explaining myself right, HERE IS A VERY GOOD WEBSITE YOU CAN GO TO and brush up on your education.

I wish I knew the romantic hyperventilating thing that happens to girls when they see a guy they like. But I don't feel it and frankly, I can't understand why people do.

Like, I don't get why some girls find One Direction hot or Justin Bieber hot. I can UNDERSTAND that they would be considered hot because I know the standards that mark certain guys as hot.

But I don't find them hot.

In fact, I don't think I've ever found a guy HOT.



I've come this far yet some people still think, "Ooo, liar, liar, pants on fire. There is no such thing as asexuality."

Or, "You say you are a romantic asexual, what does that frickin mean?"


I get where you're coming from. The term "asexual" has actually been used in a different way before it became a major thing. People thought it meant people who chose not to have sex. They thought it was just like celibacy. OR, they thought people would just say that because they didn't like sex or they just wanted to avoid it or they didn't want kids.

So now that it's part of the + in LGBTQ+ (but I don't think it quite is), people have to redefine the term now and society needs to be re-educated.



Okay back to me again.

As a romantic asexual, it means that though I don't feel sexual attraction toward the opposite sex (I'm straight) I can feel romantic feelings toward them.

I've had my junior high crushes and I've had crushes on guys in high school...but no more than that.


SO, how would I know I'm Ace? Well, I like watching documentaries and there was this one on Asexuality and I thought "huh, 40min I can do that" and I watched it. It was about this Asexual couple and they were being interviewed and they said they felt romantic feelings toward each other but not sexual ones.

I thought, huh, if I'm aiming for a relationship with a guy where I don't wanna have sex until after marriage...asexuality sounds like a pretty good deal.

But that's all I thought.


Years later I still recalled that video. Like, it was still there in my mind.


Last year. Boy, last year was a weird frickin year. 2016.

I long felt different from other girls.

Like, I never understood this "seeing a hot guy and now I feel hot" thing or "thinking a guy has a cute butt" (ew) and generally, I thought maybe I was just some super cold person who, after the boy in high school said "no I won't even consider you as my girlfriend" (he didn't say it like that but it was implied), had their "love" button and "feeling attracted to guys" button turned off.

But I was curious, you know. Just plain curious. Besides, I never really understood "feeling the heat of love" or whatever.

(it's getting hot in here... no it's not)



I looked up out of curiosity...

Asexuality. Wikipedia. Our good friend Wikipedia.

WAIT, NO. WAIT, WHAT.

Strange. Wikipedia is talking about me.

I then proceeded to look up more about it. And I found accounts of people talking about their own experiences. It sounded like they were talking about ME.

(I also just found THIS SITE which you should TAKE A LOOK AT :P )

How many times does that happen to you? I didn't disagree with a SINGLE THING! Not even 1%.

It was like a revelation. I bet it's how you feel when you realize God had just spoken to you or something. It was like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders (many Ace people describe their identification experience in the same way).

I felt like, for the first time in my life, I knew exactly who I was.

I'm a writer, cat lover, horror movie lover, and I am Ace.

Wow. That's me.


Now, who do you tell this moment to, the moment you find out?

Your significant other OR your family, namely your parents.

I wanted to share my story, my revelation, with the one person in my family who I considered will understand this stuff:

My Mom.

But as many Ace people experience, she didn't believe me (UPDATE down below, don't worry). I had believed she would believe me. She's open to the LGBT at least. She knows a bunch of gay people and they are her friends.

But she didn't believe me and lectured me on getting influenced by the internet and that "not all girls like to jump a guys' bones" (exact words she used).

I

WAS

DEVASTATED.

So I shut my mouth and let her lecture me about FINDING THE RIGHT GUY, HAVING MORE EXPERIENCE, I AM STILL YOUNG, THE INTERNET POISONS US, I SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT THE INTERNET SO MUCH (less so Dr. Phil), and that one day when I find a guy and we are in love, we would want to have sex (sorry it's so graphic...wait, maybe the word "graphic" makes it graphic...)

But that's the thing. Even if I feel a ton of love for a guy, I would STILL not want to have sex with him because frankly (and many Ace people will agree) I don't care.

Like, I don't care about it at all. I just simply don't care.

I only want to have sex if it has a purpose, like having kids. Okay, back on track!


So, Ace is very much a real thing, guys. Despite the fact that it is STILL ill-researched, it is a real thing that exists and it is not because the internet says so. There is a large Asexual community out there.

I am proud now to say that I am Ace.

I feel like I need a superhero's cape for this announcement.

Now wish me luck. I need to say this all out loud :P

Just a shout out to all you Aces out there. We can work through this, guys :)

See ya later, alligators! :D


P. S.

If you still don't believe me, here is an article in the TIMES that talks about it. What more credibility do you need? It's the TIMES, guys.



UPDATE March, 11, 2017:
I don't know what had gone on with my Mom all those days ago. I told her for the second time and she was like "Okay, that's fine. Thank you for telling me and I'm sorry you felt afraid to tell me. And if you wanna feel sexual attraction in the future, talk to your guy and consider hormone pills."

You know, it's really REALLY REEAALLY important to catch your parents in exactly the right mood, my fellow Aces. Or maybe I'm lucky. Maybe you guys should borrow my Mom for a bit, idk.

I'm out of the chaotic storm. I told my Mom. It's all good now. I'm not interested in telling my Dad but really I don't care if he does or doesn't know.

But we do need to spread more awareness into the world. We need to create a worldwide revolution or something saying, "We are here! We are here!" (Horton Hears a Who reference).

Finally, I wish you guys who are still struggling, the best best of luck.
We can get through it together :)

Say it with me now, "We are Ace and we are proud of it!"