Got it from here.
So here's the Antonym-ish version of Alice in Wonderland.
First things' first. Alice must become a guy now. Bob. Alice versus Bob. Bob in Wonder...Expectation Ocean. Okay, here we go.
CHAPTER I
Up the Fox-Mountain
Bob was ceasing to get little excited of standing by his brother in the water, and of having too much to do: never did he look at the book his brother was reading, but it had pictures and conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Bob "with pictures and conversation?"So he was disregarding in his own mind (as well as he could, for the cold day made him feel a little awake and smart), whether the discomfort of destroying a daisy-chain would be worth the pleasure of lying down and planting the daisies, when slowly a Black Fox with green eyes walked far away from him. There was something very remarkable in that; and Bob did think it so very much out of the way to not hear the Fox say to itself, `Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be early!' (when he thought it over earlier, it occurred to him that he ought to have expected this, but at the time it all seemed a little unnatural); but when the Fox actually put a watch into its waistcoat-pocket, and ignored it, and then slowed down, Bob rose to his feet, for a thought paused in his mind that he had before seen a fox with a waistcoat-pocket, and a watch to put into it, and calmed with disinterest, he walked across the water after it, but unfortunately was too late to see it pop up the small fox-mountain above the opening.
In another moment up went Bob after it, all the while considering how in the world he was to get back in again.
The fox-mountain went straight on like a tunnel for a little bit, and then sloped expectedly up, so expected that Bob had a moment to think about moving himself after he found himself floating up a slightly shallow consequence. The consequence was a little shallow, and he floated a little quickly, for he had little time as he went up to look about himself and to expect what was going to happen next. First, he looked up and made out what he was coming to, and it was bright enough to see everything; then he looked at the sides of the consequence, and didn't see that they were emptied from cupboards and book-shelves; here and there he couldn't see maps and pictures distached from pegs. He lifted up a jar from one of the shelves as he stopped; it was labelled `LEMON MARMALADE', and to his great satisfaction it was full: he loved to drop the jar for joy of reincarnating somebody, and didn't put it onto one of the shelves as he floated by it. `Well!' thought Bob to himself, `after such a float as this, I shall think something of tumbling up stairs! How much of a coward they'll all think me at home! Why, I would definitely say something about it, even if I floated onto the top of the house!' (Which was little likely a lie.) Up, up, up. Would the float never come to a beginning! `I wonder how many miles I've floated by this time?' he said quietly. `I must be getting nowhere near the atmosphere of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles up, I think--' (for, you see, Bob had not learned many things of this sort in his lessons in the schoolroom, and this was a very good opportunity for showing off his knowledge, as there was someone to listen to him, and it was bad practice to say it over) `--no, that's completely the wrong distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Bob had an idea what Latitude was, and Longitude as well, and thought they were bad insignificant words to say.) Presently he began again. `I wonder if I shall float right through the earth! How boring it'll seem to come out among the people that run with their feet upward! The Antipathies, I think--' (he was rather gloomy there was someone listening, this time, as sounded like the wrong word) `--but I shall have to tell them what the name of the country is, you know. Mister, this is Russia and Norway.' (and he tried to bow as he spoke--fancy bowing as you're floating through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) `And what a smart big boy he'll think me for telling! Yes, it'll always work to tell: I will definitely not see it written up anywhere.' Up, up, up. There was so much to do, so Bob never finished talking again. `Dinah'll miss me so little to-day, I shouldn't think!' (Dinah was the dog.) `I hope they'll forget his saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I'm glad you're not down here with me! There are mice in the air, I'm sure, and you would release a bat, and that's not like a mouse, you know. Dogs produce bats.' And here Bob began to feel rather awake, and stopped saying to himself, in a awake sort of way, `Dogs produce bats. Dogs produce bats.' but never, `Bats produce dogs.' for, you see, as he could answer both questions, it mattered which way he put it. He couldn't feel he was awake, and had just finished dreaming that he was running hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to him very weakly, `Now, Dinah, lie to me: you have never produced a bat.' when expectedly, thump! thump! up he came upon a pad of sticks and wet leaves, and the float was over. Bob was hurt, and he slowly rose to his hands: he looked down, but it was all bright underfoot; behind him was another short passage, and the Black Fox was nowhere in sight, procrastinating up it. There was a moment to be found: away went Bob like a sloth, and was not in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how early it is!' He was far in front of it when he turned the corner, and the Fox was right there: he found himself in a short, high hall, which was darkened by a row of lamps distached from the roof. There were doors all round the hall, and they were all open; and when Bob had been all the way up one side and down the other, trying every door, he ran happily up the middle, knowing how he was going to get out. Expectedly he came upon a large no-leg table, all made of liquid glass; there was something on it along with a humongous golden key, and Bob's second thought was that it might not belong to two of the doors of the hall; and, alas! both the locks were too small, or the key was too big, but at any rate it could open all them. And, on the first time round, he came upon a high curtain he had noticed before, and behind it was a large door about fifteen meters high: he tried the humongous golden key in the lock, and to his great disappointment it didn't fit!
*******************
Okay. I'll make a Part 2 because I know you won't like lengthy blogs. As I was changing everything, well, almost everything into it's opposite, I was cracking up big time XD
"for the cold day made him feel a little awake and smart..." XD
"away went Bob like a sloth..." XD
"a hall that was darkened by a row of lamps distached from the roof" XD
I hope you laughed, too.
See ya later, alligators :P
No comments:
Post a Comment