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| Thanks Wikipedia for the pic. |
This movie is about relationships. All kinds of relationships. Husband and wife, friends, coworkers, boss and coworker, old and old, old and young, young and young, man and woman, mother and daughter, mother and father, child and adult, any kind of relationship ever.
It got me thinking and it's almost one in the morning but I gotta get this down. So it got me thinking about my own relationships.
You know guys,
there's only so much of me that I can give to people. Now we're not talking about cannibals here, obviously *shakes head at computer as I type this*.
I mean, every time I make connection with someone, I am lending them a part of me. I am listening to them, engaging with them, and giving my time to them. Of course, they are also doing the same thing, of course I can see that I am not conceited! Sheesh.
But then, I thought, the more I extend myself into the world, the more I must stretch myself out like a rubber band (Sia-Elastic Heart starts playing in my head.) And there's only so much stretch I have in me.
At some point,
I am gonna break if I'm pulled in too many directions (Sia-Elastic Heart reference) and of course this is not their fault, it's my fault for thinking I could handle all these relationships and keep everyone happy. And of course I know they are also making effort to do it, too. I am not conceited as I mentioned earlier.
Hm, so how many relationships do I have? How many mini-mes are in me? We all know that depending on the person we show a certain side of ourselves and it might not be the same for everyone. Like, I might say "Oh that's such a cute dress!" when I go shopping with my girlfriends and they suggest something to me but when I go shopping with Mom and she suggests something to me, I might say "Well...you know...not really." or just plain "NO! NOT STRIPES! They make me so dizzy!" You see, it's a different side depending on the receiving side.
Well then,
*thinking about all the relationships I have now*
*feels overwhelmed*
*wonders if this is just a phase*
*thinks that maybe I should have less relationships*
*doesn't want to cut anyone off even the stressful ones*
WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF?????????????
...is the conclusion you may arrive to if you have just been thinking about your relationships. Your gazillion relationship you have with a gazillion people even if they are just people you talk to with online and never meet.
Relationships can be so stressful sometimes, can't they?
Extroverts might say NO I CANNOT LIVE A DAY WITHOUT INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE!
Introverts might say, yeah, stressful ain't it?
And other folks might nod their heads "maybe".
How do we decided then, what relationships to keep? The ones we may be able to use sometime in the future? Like those "connections" you build in undergrad and grad school? But our friends, yes, we must keep those.
But what if we have someone (not me I swear) who we (not me at all) became friends with online but then that person is kind of relying on your existence and the fact that you will ALWAYS be there for them and you worry about them because they might have almost been suicidal at one point and you want to help them and lend them your shoulder but then you feel maybe they are relying on you too much and worry about that and maybe they are too sticky to you and you wonder maybe you should, at some point, not now, cut them off so they may actively go out and find someone else?
*shakes head quickly* No! No, no, no, this isn't about me and my online guy friend who I have met up with many many times--*oops*
But I worry, sometimes, how me having a connection with someone, will affect that someone. Is it a negative relationship for them or a positive one? I feel like it is okay. Is "okay" enough? If I feel a little bit uncomfortable in the relationship sometimes but most of the time feel okay, is that enough to keep being in that relationship? Now I am NOT talking about love, I am talking about friendship.
How can someone become your CLOSE friend? Agh! That's another topic, isn't it? Yeah...I think it is.
My point is, where my point is.
No, I mean, my point is, there is only so much of us we can give people until we finally break. And, there is only so much we can give to one particular person until we finally need to step away. Relationships are about balance. Between the two people and also within yourself.
Now, I'm not a professional psychologist. I figure out most of this stuff through experience...GOOD GRIEF is it HARD to figure out everything this way. SHEESH!
If you feel uncomfortable in that relationship and it isn't just because, maybe your best friend keeps wanting to talk about you and her being best friends. Like, I know already. Stop bringing it up. But you don't say that because you know they're only talking about that because THEY feel uncomfortable and insecure within themselves and may not have a healthy ability to work toward a balanced relationship so they are RELYING on you which is okay. It is okay until you yourself feel like you cannot retain that balance anymore. But you can't cut them off because they might have been suicidal once and you don't want that to happen just when life has started to look better for them.
Kinda like a self-sacrificing philanthropy, eh? :/
*sighs loudly because this "best friend" is the same one I "let slip" about earlier*
Let's face it. Relationships can be stupid, self-sacrificing, painful, stressful, joyful, fun, and crazy all at the same time. But humans are social creatures and we NEED connections. We NEED relationships.
Just like what women say about men, "Can't live with them, can't live without them."
And just like I say about love, "Can't live with it, can't live without it."
We can say the same thing about relationships, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."
But we must be careful, for our selfish sakes, not to stretch ourselves too far because there's only so much stretch in our rubber band selves.
See ya later, alligators.
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