What is the right way to...? and then a, b, c...etc. and I will answer the questions. When I'm being serious, I will tell you, savvy? (Captain Jack Sparrow reference).
We all wanna know what the right way to do things are. So, here goes!
What is the right way to...
apply foundation?
Well, you take a sponge thing and you take some powder stuff, and you put it all over your face. Simple and easy. Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat...smear...oops, my mascara!
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| If those are her hands, she is either a contortionist or an alien. |
What is the right way to...
breathe?
Why are you asking Google? Wouldn't you know by now? And how is Google supposed to know?
I say there is only one way to breathe. NATURALLY!
What is the right way to...
charge a cellphone?
Er, isn't it obvious? You use electricity! Duh! Go out in the middle of a thunder storm and set your phone down on the ground and wait until lightening hits it. MEGA CHARGED! :D
What is the right way to...
drink water?
What the ish? *unimpressed face* Just tip the bottle back and swallow you idiots! Oh mah gawd!
What is the right way to...
eat?
Really? You humans asking these questions obviously don't know how to function like normal human beans. Geesh!
What is the right way to...
fast?
Eat nothing. Drink water. Simple, simple, poo.
What is the right way to...
get pregnant?
What??? Where have you been educated? Did your parents not explain the birds and bees to you? Well, good luck with that, buddy cuz I don't talk about that stuff here.
What is the right way to...
hang toilet paper?
That was the top question. Guys, where are you hanging it? If it's a Halloween trick just hang it on the trees of someone's house.
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| Or stylishly, like this. |
What is the right way to...
introduce yourself to someone?
Say, "Hi, nice to meet you. My name is *insert your name here*."
Seriously, people, you must be aliens or something not knowing the basic human bean stuffs.
What is the right way to...
jog?
I didn't know there was even a wrong way! You just run lightly. Right? Right????
What is the right way to...
kiss?
The best way to find out, is...go to YouTube and watch movie kisses.
What is the right way to...
live?
As long as you know how to breathe, you are probably living the right way.
What is the right way to...
make a bed?
Tuck in the sheets, pull up the blankets, fluff the pillows...haven't you seen your parents do it EVERY, SINGLE, DAY??? Seriously, are you even human? And no one is expecting you to make a hotel bed.
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| A masterpiece. The Hotel Bed, featured in museums across the world. |
What is the right way to...
nothing for "n".
What is the right way to...
open a banana?
There isn't because you don't OPEN a banana. You PEEL it. PEEL the banana. Don't say "Open Sesame" and expect it to open just like that. Unless, of course, it's a house.
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| Featured in this blog here. If it's a banana house, saying "Open Sesame" still might not work. Maybe you should just knock? |
What is the right way to...
poop?
No one will judge you while you're in the bathroom. Just get it over with and stop asking Google!
What is the right way to...
quit your job?
I was surprised there was anything for "q" because usually there isn't.
To answer this question, if you wanna quit your job, make a video of you dancing and post it on YouTube and absolutely SLAY IT!
You know what viral video I'm talking about, right?
What is the right way to...
run?
The same way you jog but with more energy and will.
What is the right way to...
sleep?
Okay, okay aliens, very funny. I know you don't sleep like we do. But I don't think Google knows about your sleeping habits. Stop asking human bean Google and ask your own version of Google. Geesh! Stupid aliens.
What is the right way to...
think?
If you are reading this post silently to yourself and you think "Huh, funny" then you are thinking exactly what I want you to think which is the right way to think :P
No, really, I'm serious. I am controlling your minds so you all think in the way I want you to. Which is the right way of course.
What is the right way to...
use tin foil?
Putting a piece near your cat to scare them.
What is the right way to...
vape?
What? What is "vape"? Is it like the shortened version of "video tape"? Or "voice tape"? First you can start out by not shortening the word to something no one can guess wha da heck it is.
What is the right way to...
watch star wars?
I have a truthfully serious answer to this truthfully serious question.
Watch this video!! :D
What is the right way to...
nothing for "x".
What is the right way to...
nothing for "y" either. Darn it.
What is the right way to...
nothing for "z". What a way to end this thing.
Well, we have established one thing; aliens live among us and they are stupid enough to ask Google how to be a human bean and, therefore they have exposed themselves. Those UFOs that we see in the sky, you know, the ones that never land? Those are just holographic images to see if human beans are stupid enough to think aliens DO NOT live among us but the thing is they do.
And they might be stupid.
Beware the stupid aliens.
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| I did not add the words. I looked up "stupid alien" and this is what I got. |
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