So, believe it or not I HAVE been on "dates". I say "dates" because to me it was just two friends getting together to have a cup of coffee and those two friends happen to be the opposite sex.
I suppose a lot of girls and young women who aren't very experienced in this world don't always know that right questions or topics to talk about with a guy because, let's face it, women and men are like two different species. It's like a lizard and a bunny and I'm not saying which is which; this is just for comparison. We can be so humongously different that sometimes we can't STAND to be around each other.
Anyway, here are some questions and topics I ask and talk about when I have a first encounter with a new guy who I could or could not be interested in pursuing a relationship. You can do as I do but keep in mind that I am STILL trying to understand this different species called "men". Also, the first set of questions are basically in order from 1-4.
MUST ASK QUESTIONS ON FIRST MEET-UP / FIRST ENCOUNTER
1. So, how old were you again?
To me, asking how old someone is is kinda rude. So I say "again" even though they haven't told me before. This question links to the next one.
2. Do you work or are you a student or...?
I like to keep this vague. To give the guy an open question. Not just "Do you work?" because that only brings out a simple "yes" or "no". I try to ask questions in a way so the guy won't answer so very simply. I have had guys that don't really want to talk about themselves unless they're specifically asked "What is your work?"
3. Work version: So what is it exactly that you do? Do you enjoy it?
3. Student version: What's your major? I know a lot of people must ask you this but, why did you choose "such and such major name here"?
These questions show that you want to get to know them. Anyway, that's what I think. Also, just a people thing, but generally I have found that and heard that people like to talk about themselves. It's nice to know that someone is almost as interested in what you are passionate about or just your life in general. People like to be heard.
4. What do you do in your free time? / What is your hobby?
Again, like 3, people love talking about themselves. And here, don't try to force-like something that the guy likes. But don't say you don't like it either. Just show vague interest. Get them to talk more about it. I think guys like girls who are interested, don't you?
EXAMPLE: "Your work sounds like it takes up a lot of time. But when you do have time, what do you like to do? Any hobbies or..."
See, the vagueness of the end part of the conversation? I do that a lot. I don't know if it's good but I like to keep the questions open. Some people don't have hobbies but they have a side job that they love to do in their free time or something like that. Really, I HAVE met guys who have no hobbies.
Other questions you can ask if you're interested in this guy and want to show it more:
5. Do you have siblings?
After you're tired of talking about "light" stuff like hobbies and such you can go personal somewhat.
6. Any pets?
This is a must for me because if I go far in the relationship I don't want to suddenly find out the guy I'm dating hates cats with a passion or doesn't care at all about the well-being of animals.
7. When they don't have pets but want one: If you could have any kind of pet, any kind at all, what kind of pet would you like to have?
Just a fun question. You can talk about, say, the pros and cons of having a pet iguana or a pet kangaroo even though they may be impossible. If you know anyone with strange pets, you can talk about that, too.
Well, for me, that's probably about all the questions I would ask on first encounter. Just for meaty conversation, you know?
The next list is "Questions to Definitely Avoid" (in my opinion and from what I've heard).
DANGER BEWARE questions
1. Do you have any girlfriends?
Girl, don't sound so needy. Even if you are desperate to find a guy, do not ask this question unless either he asks you first or you decide to go on a second or third date.
2. What do you look for in a girl?
This is treading thin ice in my opinion. You are slightly letting the guy control how you act and dress by asking him the kind of girl he likes. After answering, some guys might think you'll act or dress that way the next time you meet, if you do. If you're not true to yourself, it's is so freakishly easy to tell that you are being fake. Do you want the guy to like you the way you are or not?
3. How much money do you make?
Just no. Too personal and what are you, a gold digger?
4. DO NOT ASK ABOUT THEIR SEX LIFE!!!
5. I know this sounds crazy, but don't ask them to marry you on first encounter.
They will freak out unless they have the same mindset. Don't scare them away.
6. Don't tell them about your preferences in a guy. Girl, your stakes are too high.
Not all guys will meet every single criteria of Mr. Perfect. There will be some things that you like and some things that you might just need to learn to like if you want to have a relationship with that particular guy. I heard some relationship-expert lady say you shouldn't tell a guy your preferences for a guy because then he'll try to meet all your expectations so that he could get to you. But that will only make him a fake.
7. Don't tell them about your sex life or about the pros and cons of past boyfriends.
For past boyfriends, don't tell too much either when they ask. Try not to rant too much even though those boyfriends may have gotten on your nerves.
Well, that's about it. Hope I shed some light on your darkened path toward finding the "right guy". Good luck, fellow girls and young women.
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