Accepting Failure: A Hurdle for Parents with Troubled Children

Let's be honest, here. We LOVE it when we are right when doing things.

We want to do things the right way and sometimes we push an idea or way of doing something and believe that it's right even though it's not.

We like to feel that sense of righteousness. We bask in the sunlight of being right.

So,
when someone tells us we're wrong, and we feel that righteousness leaving our grasp, some people, and I think most people, can get defensive and even go as far as saying they are right and that is that, end of story.

But then problems arise because we actually might be wrong and accepting that we are wrong or have failed, is better to do sooner than later. The more we prolong accepting the truth, the harder it will be. We are making it hard for ourselves by denying the truth. The truth that even we can be imperfect and make mistakes on how we go about things.

My last blog was aimed at parents with daughters that are young adults. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you skim that post before you continue.

So, what I want to point out, using that example, is that my parents (mostly mom), need to accept that the way they have gone about bringing us three back together as a collective family, is not the right way.

I have observed, and I could be wrong, that they believe to the core that they are right parents--parents that do the right thing all the time. But, come on, no one is perfect and you have to own up to that. I own up to the fact that I'm not perfect. The word perfect also depends on our individual perceptions! Just as the word normal does, though I do LOVE Dr. Phil's definition of normal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should definitely watch one of his shows on YouTube or something.

He said something like, "The way I define normal is if what you're doing affects others in a negative way; that's not normal." Something like that. Since I have long been looking for the perfect definition, in my opinion, of normal, this really cleared my mind. I really love your definition of "normal" Dr. Phil because I TOTALLY agree with you. I would go by that definition as well.

So, anyway, back on track here. My parents seem to think that the way they're going about parenting is right. Now I haven't been a parent yet so I can't say for sure about a lot of things but I know some because I'm the one being parented.

Physical connection is important in a relationship. Any relationship in my opinion. But you need emotions, too. There needs to be a non-biased emotional connection between parent and young adult.

When I say "non-biased" I mean that those emotions have to be straight forward and true. No left turns onto "The Right" Road or right turns into "I'm the Perfect Parent" Road or any detours to "Physical Connection is What Needs to Happen More I Think" City.

Back to the talk about being right or wrong or failing from wrongdoing, we learn from our mistakes. It's true. For the benefit of ourselves or for bettering connections with others, we learn from our mistakes. But, only if we admit them.

Being a writer, you have to take criticism and harsh critique sometimes. You start to feel really defensive sometimes and when I went to my first ever Writer's Workshop when I went abroad in Oregon USA, I felt stabbed so many times I thought I could never get up because, TRUTH, I believed my story was perfectly written and NO WAY could there be any mistakes.

But I was wrong and I needed to learn that hearing people say things negative about my story actually helped me grow as a writer. I needed to learn to set my personal attachment to my story aside and listen from their perspective. I needed to kind of observe myself from the outsider's view.

When I did, my story improved. It did. And I also did. I realized that I was not a perfect writer yet and I still needed a lot of learning to do and that there was always, always, ALWAYS room for improvement no matter what you do.

I think the same can be said for parenting, to get back to that. I think it's important for the troubled child, like me or younger or older, to hear from their parents that "I have made mistakes in parenting. I am not perfect. I know that now. And I want to change that. What can I do? Let's think this through together. Let's try this." You know, things like that.

Also, don't be like my Three-Day-Deal parents. They are good for three days and just forget it or get lazy about it, I don't know. Building a relationship is a commitment and I think Dr. Phil talks about this a lot.

To end this post I would like to thank someone for the first time and that is Dr. Phil even though you don't know I exist. Dr. Phil's shows have inspired me to take action regarding the situation with my parents. He has made me think about lots of things and I learn what I should be careful of as a person and in the future perhaps as a mother.

So anyway, let's end this thing with my signature ending.

See ya later, alligators! :D