What I think about Gay Marriage

More likely, it should be "What I think about Straight Marriage", or "What I think about Marriage (in general)". When you think about it (we're thinking about a lot of stuff!) if the majority of the population were gay, straight marriage will be looked down on. But if the majority were straight, gay marriage will be looked down on.

It's this sense of the minority and this sense of a difference in society that gets us. It's this thing about something that's different that frightens us. Maybe not like we want to go hide under the covers but we are scared. We are scared about this different thing. Even though in reality, it's not different at all.

But in reality, we are all the same human beings. It's not like a cow and a human are trying to get married. There are only two genders in this world. Male and female. And one or the other finds love with one or the other. When did it become that men could only marry women? Who decided that? No one.

Now don't go all BIBLE on me. I'm just stating my opinion. Besides, maybe even Jesus was afraid of people who were different. And I'm Catholic. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. I know what I'm talking about.

So, let's get back on track.

What I'm saying is that, it's all the same thing, really. Two people fall in love and decide to spend their whole lives together. So, they get married.

Marriage, according to the famous Wikipedia is "a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws" (Wiki: Marriage).

Wikipedia: Marriage link

So, yeah, what is it? Well, basically it's a ritual to tell everyone, "Hey! I'm married!" In that case, why can't the same sex get married? And why does the word "same sex" even exist? How are we to determine they are the "same" sex? And why does "gender" exist? Who decided that we had to have two genders? Don't you think it's too few? I think there should be more genders. It's not fair to the people who weren't born in the genders we cut out of the cookie dough for them. Besides, when you go to the clothes store, you aren't just given two types of jeans to choose from! You're given a whole long rack of different types of jeans that make your body look different. Two gender "choices" is also a strange phrase. We don't choose what gender we are. We are born that way.

LADY GAGA BORN THIS WAY! Oh yeah :D

Why should their be only two genders? It's not fair. I'm a girl. I'm straight. And I think lesbian love is a wonderful beautiful art and gay guys make the best friends.

Anyway, marriage is just a ritual. Just to say "Hey! I'm married!" In that case, why can't ANYBODY get married to ANYBODY? Nothing's wrong with that. New things aren't wrong. Different things aren't wrong. Heck, are iPhones wrong? Huh? Are they? No? Well, they're new. Why shouldn't they be wrong?

Where did Valentine's Day come from?

I thought I should talk about it for all you single people out there (like me).

This is something I wrote for a creative non-fiction class when I went abroad two years ago to Oregon, USA.

"So the original Valentine’s, that, came from Christianity.  Turns out there were two saints, Valentine of Rome and Terni who were both honored on what is now Valentine’s
Day.  The former was a priest and the latter was a bishop, both martyred between AD 270 and 190.

Some people claim there was a third Valentine who was martyred in Africa.  However, it was Valentine of Rome’s head that was preserved in Winchester though nothing is said if he was an important figure or not.

Then, where did all the Valentine’s Day stuff come from?  In Geoffrey Chaucer’s poetry, the depiction of courtly love was seen.  From this poem, people said Valentine’s Day lied on February 14^th and men began to give flowers or greeting cards known as “valentines”.

An excerpt from the “Parlement of Foules” by Chaucer from Wikipedia:

“For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.”

(Wikipedia: William S. Clark)

People interpreted “Volantynys day” to be the day Saint Valentine was honored; February 14^th.  However, skeptic people pointed out that the second line, “euery bryd comyth there to chese his make” sounded more like spring time when birds mated rather than in the middle of still cold freezing weather when the bird would likely be fluffing up their feathers instead.  Nonetheless, Valentine’s Day became February 14^th."


Ah, thank you young me for being so formal in a non-fictional piece or writing. But apparently, if we ARE celebrating old Saint Valentine, we are celebrating his DEATH????

What the heck???

Also, people feel lonely on Valentine's Day because of some people way back when misinterpreted Chaucer. Maybe they did. I don't know. But who knew "Volantynys" would be "Valetine's" where they heck did the "a" after the "V" come from. At least "euery" was "every" no doubt. And "make" is supposed to be "mate" I guess so that means that Chaucer and present English had the vowels in common.

Volantynys... maybe Volantines? Or it could be volcanoes for all we know :/

I need some language experts on this case.

Any takers?

So, the point of this post was to say that if you are single, you should be proud of it because that means you aren't being happy on a day when probably someone got their head chopped off.

Say it, I AM PROUD TO BE SINGLE!!! Say it! You, I didn't hear you! Say it louder! Feel good about being independent.

And, always remember to stay awesome :)

See ya later alligators!

The Perks and Downsides About Being an Only Child

I'm an only child and this post I'm going to talk about the perks and the downsides...for no particular reason.

First, the perks:

• Don't have to share my things.
• My Own Room.
• Double attention from both parents.
• Slightly spoiled.
• Get things I want.

Next, the downsides:

• Double attention from parents = not much freedom to do things alone.
• I am the only one close to my age in my family. Everyone else is thirty years or so older.
• If I have something I can't talk to my parents about and I don't have a friend to talk with these things about, I wish for a sibling.
• Planning what to get my parents for Christmas and birthday and Mother's Day and Father's Day and wedding anniversary, are hard because I have to do it alone. With a sibling I could at least get some kind of help.
• When both parents are busy but you want some kind of attention, playing by yourself in your imagination lonesome can get old after a while.

If I think of anything else, I'll add on.

See ya later alligators :)

Accepting Failure: A Hurdle for Parents with Troubled Children

Let's be honest, here. We LOVE it when we are right when doing things.

We want to do things the right way and sometimes we push an idea or way of doing something and believe that it's right even though it's not.

We like to feel that sense of righteousness. We bask in the sunlight of being right.

So,
when someone tells us we're wrong, and we feel that righteousness leaving our grasp, some people, and I think most people, can get defensive and even go as far as saying they are right and that is that, end of story.

But then problems arise because we actually might be wrong and accepting that we are wrong or have failed, is better to do sooner than later. The more we prolong accepting the truth, the harder it will be. We are making it hard for ourselves by denying the truth. The truth that even we can be imperfect and make mistakes on how we go about things.

My last blog was aimed at parents with daughters that are young adults. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I suggest you skim that post before you continue.

So, what I want to point out, using that example, is that my parents (mostly mom), need to accept that the way they have gone about bringing us three back together as a collective family, is not the right way.

I have observed, and I could be wrong, that they believe to the core that they are right parents--parents that do the right thing all the time. But, come on, no one is perfect and you have to own up to that. I own up to the fact that I'm not perfect. The word perfect also depends on our individual perceptions! Just as the word normal does, though I do LOVE Dr. Phil's definition of normal. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should definitely watch one of his shows on YouTube or something.

He said something like, "The way I define normal is if what you're doing affects others in a negative way; that's not normal." Something like that. Since I have long been looking for the perfect definition, in my opinion, of normal, this really cleared my mind. I really love your definition of "normal" Dr. Phil because I TOTALLY agree with you. I would go by that definition as well.

So, anyway, back on track here. My parents seem to think that the way they're going about parenting is right. Now I haven't been a parent yet so I can't say for sure about a lot of things but I know some because I'm the one being parented.

Physical connection is important in a relationship. Any relationship in my opinion. But you need emotions, too. There needs to be a non-biased emotional connection between parent and young adult.

When I say "non-biased" I mean that those emotions have to be straight forward and true. No left turns onto "The Right" Road or right turns into "I'm the Perfect Parent" Road or any detours to "Physical Connection is What Needs to Happen More I Think" City.

Back to the talk about being right or wrong or failing from wrongdoing, we learn from our mistakes. It's true. For the benefit of ourselves or for bettering connections with others, we learn from our mistakes. But, only if we admit them.

Being a writer, you have to take criticism and harsh critique sometimes. You start to feel really defensive sometimes and when I went to my first ever Writer's Workshop when I went abroad in Oregon USA, I felt stabbed so many times I thought I could never get up because, TRUTH, I believed my story was perfectly written and NO WAY could there be any mistakes.

But I was wrong and I needed to learn that hearing people say things negative about my story actually helped me grow as a writer. I needed to learn to set my personal attachment to my story aside and listen from their perspective. I needed to kind of observe myself from the outsider's view.

When I did, my story improved. It did. And I also did. I realized that I was not a perfect writer yet and I still needed a lot of learning to do and that there was always, always, ALWAYS room for improvement no matter what you do.

I think the same can be said for parenting, to get back to that. I think it's important for the troubled child, like me or younger or older, to hear from their parents that "I have made mistakes in parenting. I am not perfect. I know that now. And I want to change that. What can I do? Let's think this through together. Let's try this." You know, things like that.

Also, don't be like my Three-Day-Deal parents. They are good for three days and just forget it or get lazy about it, I don't know. Building a relationship is a commitment and I think Dr. Phil talks about this a lot.

To end this post I would like to thank someone for the first time and that is Dr. Phil even though you don't know I exist. Dr. Phil's shows have inspired me to take action regarding the situation with my parents. He has made me think about lots of things and I learn what I should be careful of as a person and in the future perhaps as a mother.

So anyway, let's end this thing with my signature ending.

See ya later, alligators! :D

To Parents Whose Daughters Are Young Adults

I'm not a mother. I don't know what it's like to see your daughter go off to college or university desperately wanting to leave home.

I'm not a father, well, I'm a girl, woman, young woman, so obviously.

But I am a daughter and I would like to tell some parents, as a daughter who left for university and went abroad on her own for a year, and wanted to leave home desperately, feels when they go home. I'm not saying all daughters feel this way but I think lots can relate.

When I was away in my junior year studying abroad in Oregon, USA, (where this blog took flight), when I did think of home, I remembered how it was like in junior high or high school. How we would do things as a family and how I was always in the middle (only child).

It was probably about a month or two before I returned. My parents went to couple's therapy like thing or convention, or whatever that thing was, to get back together and be a couple. Apparently raising even just one child is hard on the parents and makes them parents rather than a couple... Kudos parents out there with more than one child.

So when I came back, all ready for some family time, I noticed that, they spent more time being couple-like and all lovey-dovey, than they spent time listening to my tales of studying abroad and funny stories and stuff. I was actually kind of looking forward to telling them things. I've always told them things. But instead my voice is blocked out by goo-goo eyes. I'll be talking and they're not listening. They are into each other.

I began to spend a lot of my energy just trying to make them frickin listen.

"LISTEN!!!" I'd say. "JUST LISTEN!! LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!"

Literally I could see all-caps coming out of my mouth.

Then, thankfully, I returned to independency again and went back to university. I felt really sad and lonely inside and I didn't really know how to make them understand what I felt. I mulled over this for a long time until one faithful Skype chat with my mom.

I told her how I felt and exactly what I wanted her to do. I told her it was great they were lovey-dovey but I said I felt left out. Like a +alpha. Like the extra piece. It was like THEM. And then ME. Not THEM and ME. I know they would never intentionally ostracise me but it felt that way.

I told them I wanted to be a family again.

My mom said she will be careful and hope that I knew she understood.
I told her I was glad.

Then I went home again.

It was fine for the first three days until everything went back to normal again.

Frickin listen, already!

When I returned to university, I started to feel like I didn't want to go home. But I didn't want to feel that way because family ties are very important.

I told my mom about it again. She said she was sorry and would be careful and for me to tell her when she went off track. She asked me if I understood that she understood how I was feeling.
I told her I would only believe it when I get home.

Making my parents listen. Why was it so stressful? I couldn't understand why they were getting it. I needed to mull over it for a while because whatever I said, somehow wasn't getting to them. I needed to get them to understand, BUT HOW? ("How the Grinch Stole Christmas" reference).

Soon it was time to go home again. This time for the summer. I actually dreaded it.

But I couldn't NOT go home so I did. I prepared myself for more breakdowns in my room and no one to talk to about my feelings about this. Here is where I did wish I had a sibling. At least I could talk to them. Even if we did fight about it.

It was just like the two times before. It was fine in the beginning. Then, they started to overdo it. They'd be walking side by side holding hands and suddenly my mom would beckon me, walking behind them, and try to hold my hand or something. Get me to be "in the middle again".

But That's Not What I Was Talking About.

It's even hard to write it for you guys. I don't know, maybe I wanted an emotional connection, not a physical one. Whatever it was that I had with my parents in junior high, high school, and all the times before that,

could

I

never

get

that

back?


One summer evening, we all sat down in the living room and talked about my future career and what I wanted to do in the future and if I was going to take the GRE and how I would study and whatnot.

Then they asked me if I had anything I wanted to talk about. Anything at all.

I had my chance. I gave them a set of rules before I talked.

1. They had to be quiet and not interrupt me or talk until I was done.
2. This is stuff I had thought about for a long, long, time and for them to know that.
3. To listen. Just listen.

I basically just threw up the words after that along with a waterfall of tears.

They listened to every word.

When I was finally done speaking my heart out, I ALLOWED them to speak. A tiny part of me, at the time, gave me praise. I had made them listen. This was a first. I had authority over the authority for the first time in my life.

Then my mom does that thing where she takes some points in my speech and repeats it back at me just to show that she "understands". She should've paraphrased it. It would have made me feel a lot better. You don't repeat something like a parrot. Parrots don't understand what you're saying to them.

This time, it was longer. This time I actually felt like we were a collective family again.

I went back to university with hopes.

Until the next visit, of course. Still they seem to remember that faithful day their daughter spoke her guts out and try to do things right.

But the truth is, since my absence and their couple's session thing, they have completely forgotten what it's like to be a family. And another hard thing is, if you're a daughter that is not a girl or a woman yet, it's hard to know how to act around your parents.

I mean, you can't be a kid because your parents would say,

"You are a young adult and you should know better."

or

"You are not a kid anymore so don't act like one."

Then you try to be grown up and they baby you like,

"Wake up, time to start the day!"

"Did you do your homework, sweety?"

Gosh, parents, do you want me to grow up or what??? I mean, srsly. So when you nag me like I'm in junior high, I act on that. I feel like a child again. Then when I act on that, you're like, don't be a kid. So, what the HECK am I supposed to frickin do?

Parents, if your child tells you they want to be the young adult, LET THEM BE IT!!!! If they try to be grown up, let them be grown up. Don't start babying them back into childhood!


If you want to know the rest of my story, I can tell you I still dread going home because I don't know what I'll find. Will it be good or will I have multiple breakdowns again? I STILL don't know how to make them understand what I feel. Probably because I even don't know exactly what it is I want from them.

Definitely not physical connection. That will always be there, I think. I don't know about the emotional side. I have no idea how to explain to them... to make them UNDERSTAND not "understand the words".

Maybe they need to understand the feelings?

I also want to shout out to you parents out there with daughters who are young adults. You need to realize that your approach to your daughter, if she is in distress about family connections, could be the wrong way. We are all human and we are all NOT perfect. We all make mistakes. EVEN PARENTS.

Parents, you need to know that the things you're doing to make the situation better, just might be making it worse for your young adult daughter. Please, keep that in mind. You don't want a daughter that dreads coming home to you.

I don't want young adults like me feel the confusing way I feel.

And I wish it could all just come clear. I wish I could see beyond the fog. But I can't. And all my words bounce back at me before hitting the parents that stand on the other side of that fog.

I don't know what to do. I hope your daughter does. Or if you're a daughter like me, I hope you've found a way out.